You Can Tell It’s Monday

I had four unbelievable kid stories that all happened today.  Buckle your seat belts.  It was a bumpy day.

1. One of my friends, Gummy Bear Lush, dropped this on me on her way in this morning.

Gummy: I was absent on Friday because the po-lice came to my house and broke the window.

Me: Why did they break the window?

Gummy: (shrugging) I don’t know.

Me: What did they do after that?

Gummy: They was looking for guns.

Me: Did you have guns inside the house?

Gummy: No, only outside.

2.  Next, a different friend came up to read me her Monday Journal.

imageHere’s a translation in case you don’t read First Grader.

Today is Monday, May 18, 2015.  It is Day G.  This weekend, I went to see my uncle at jail and he [is] going out of jail and for his birthday we had a party and some had money and they kept giving him $20, $20, $20, $20, $20, $20, $20, $20, $221.

3.  While we were at lunch, one of the cafeteria monitors came into the teachers’ dining room to catch her breath for a moment.  She proceeded to tell us that a second grade girl had brought a small bottle of whiskey to the cafeteria and had passed it around her lunch table so that everyone could have a sip.  Well, thank God she thought to share.

4.  One of my students was called to the office for dismissal at about 10:00.  Since it was Princess Nastypants, I was happy to see her go.  So I was surprised when I picked up my class after lunch and she was back.

“You’re back,” I said.

“I had to go get a DNA test to see if my daddy is my real daddy.”

This is why teachers should get discounts at Total Wine.  Good news!  We have twelve days left.

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