I had four unbelievable kid stories that all happened today. Buckle your seat belts. It was a bumpy day.
1. One of my friends, Gummy Bear Lush, dropped this on me on her way in this morning.
Gummy: I was absent on Friday because the po-lice came to my house and broke the window.
Me: Why did they break the window?
Gummy: (shrugging) I don’t know.
Me: What did they do after that?
Gummy: They was looking for guns.
Me: Did you have guns inside the house?
Gummy: No, only outside.
2. Next, a different friend came up to read me her Monday Journal.
Here’s a translation in case you don’t read First Grader.
Today is Monday, May 18, 2015. It is Day G. This weekend, I went to see my uncle at jail and he [is] going out of jail and for his birthday we had a party and some had money and they kept giving him $20, $20, $20, $20, $20, $20, $20, $20, $221.
3. While we were at lunch, one of the cafeteria monitors came into the teachers’ dining room to catch her breath for a moment. She proceeded to tell us that a second grade girl had brought a small bottle of whiskey to the cafeteria and had passed it around her lunch table so that everyone could have a sip. Well, thank God she thought to share.
4. One of my students was called to the office for dismissal at about 10:00. Since it was Princess Nastypants, I was happy to see her go. So I was surprised when I picked up my class after lunch and she was back.
“You’re back,” I said.
“I had to go get a DNA test to see if my daddy is my real daddy.”
This is why teachers should get discounts at Total Wine. Good news! We have twelve days left.